GUEST APPEARANCE on Women In Depth - Alana Carvalho

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28th January 2021 | Written by

GUEST APPEARANCE on Women In Depth

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A narcissist will never do these things:⁠
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✖️ Take Responsibility for Their Actions: They will deflect blame or make excuses rather than admitting fault.⁠
✖️ Genuinely Apologize: Any apology they give is likely insincere and often followed by excuses or justifications.⁠
✖️ Show Empathy: They struggle to understand or care about others' feelings and needs.⁠
✖️ Respect Boundaries: They will push, ignore, or invalidate your boundaries to maintain control.⁠
✖️ Provide Unconditional Support: Their support is usually conditional and self-serving.⁠
✖️ Celebrate Your Successes: They will downplay, ignore, or feel threatened by your achievements.⁠
✖️ Accept Criticism: They react defensively to criticism, often attacking the person providing feedback.⁠
✖️ Allow You to Be Independent: They prefer you to be dependent on them to maintain their sense of superiority.⁠
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Recognizing these patterns can help you protect yourself and set healthier boundaries. 💪⁠
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#NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissistRecovery #ToxicRelationships #EmotionalAbuseAwareness #CodependencyRecovery #BoundariesAreHealthy #HealingFromAbuse #TraumaRecovery #SelfWorthHealing

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Learn to tolerate the tension that comes up
when your needs conflict with someone else’s.
It’s not your job to always be the one who shelves your needs to ease tension and make the connection “work.”

— Robin Clark

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Ever find yourself over-explaining in emails or texts?⁠
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Like writing, rewriting… then adding just one more paragraph to make sure no one’s upset or misunderstands you?⁠
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This is often a subtle sign of codependency—where you're seeking reassurance, trying to control how others perceive you, or avoiding conflict at all costs.⁠
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Before you hit send, try asking yourself:⁠
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🌀 Am I saying this to be clear, or to be liked?⁠
🌀 Am I trying to prove I'm good or worthy?⁠
🌀 Do I feel anxious unless I explain every little thing?⁠
🌀 What would it feel like to say less and trust it’s enough?⁠
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You deserve to speak with confidence, not over-explain out of fear.⁠
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💬 If this hits home, comment CARDS and I’ll send you a free sample of the Codependent Perfectionist Oracle Cards—with a reflection exercise to help you break the habit.⁠
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#codependency #overexplaining #boundaries #healingjourney #peoplepleasing #emotionalhealing ⁠

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Do you always end up feeling like the bad guy—just for standing up for yourself? ⁠
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You might be experiencing DARVO: a gaslighting tactic where the abuser Denies the harm, Attacks the victim, and Reverses the roles of Victim and Offender.⁠
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This can show up in families, relationships, workplaces, and even institutions & looks like being told you’re “too sensitive” when you express pain, your memory being questioned, or being dismissed entirely when you speak your truth.⁠

Here's how to start protecting your peace:

✨ Start by educating yourself.
Knowledge is power—especially when it comes to emotional manipulation. When you can spot the pattern, you can stop absorbing the blame. You’ll feel more grounded, less reactive, and more in control of your truth.

🛑 Name what’s happening.
Call it out (even if just to yourself). “This is DARVO. I’m not going to take responsibility for their behavior.” Speak about what’s okay with you—and what absolutely is not.

💬 Know what healthy communication actually looks like.
It’s not all boundaries and ‘no’s. It’s also learning how to express your needs, expectations, and limits without guilt. That’s part of what we’re unlearning in recovery.

🫂 Find safe people.
Surround yourself with those who get it. Whether that’s trusted friends, a therapist, or a support group.

📝 Write things down.
If it feels helpful, keep a record of what’s happening. Journaling incidents can give you clarity.

💛 Get professional support.
Healing from narcissistic abuse is not something you have to do alone. A trauma-informed therapist or coach can be a game changer on this journey.
The more we understand DARVO, the more we can name it, stop it in its tracks, and break the cycle of emotional abuse—for good.⁠

If you’re struggling navigating a narcissistic dynamic, we have many incredible therapists at my practice, Intuitive Healing (@intuitivehealingnyc), that specialize specifically in in Relationship Issues.

We can support you in your communication style, development of healthy boundaries, and with your own emotional regulation as it pertains to conflict in your relationships. Comment THERAPIST & I'll send you our form to connect!

© COPYRIGHT 2025 Alana Carvalho

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