The Importance of Language in Recovery - Alana Carvalho

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3rd September 2021 | Written by

The Importance of Language in Recovery

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This statement speaks to one of the most frustrating dynamics of dealing with a narcissist 👉🏼 their complete inability to take accountability. ⁠
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When confronted with their own harmful behavior, rather than acknowledging it, they often react with rage, defensiveness, or even attempts to flip the script and make you the problem.⁠
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𝐖𝐡𝐲? Because admitting fault would threaten their carefully crafted self-image. Instead of self-reflection, they deny, gaslight, or attack to regain control of the narrative. This can leave you questioning reality, feeling guilty for speaking up, or even apologizing for things that weren’t your fault.⁠
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❗If you’ve ever felt like you’re going in circles trying to get a narcissist to see what they’ve done—know this: you don’t need their acknowledgment to validate your experience. Trust what you know to be true, and don’t waste your energy seeking accountability from someone who refuses to give it.⁠
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I'll be speaking a lot more about navigating relationships and dynamics with a narcissist, so follow along for more steps towards getting your power & peace back 🤍

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When you’re feeling an intense emotion, it can color your entire experience. You are temporarily unable to look for or internalize any new information that doesn’t ‘fit’ with the emotion you’re feeling.⁠
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For example, if you are angry, all you can focus on is the source of your anger, or look for more reasons to be angry, or think about why your anger is justified. The state can last for a second or two, or last for many minutes. It all depends on our past history, our overall well-being, our choices in the moment, and how the other people involved behave.⁠
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💡 Here’s a tip that can change your life: ⁠
Don’t make decisions in the middle of emotional waves. ⁠
Instead, wait it out, take some space, and care for yourself until it passes. ⁠
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Then, you will be able to use the insights of that emotion and choose how you want to respond. ⁠
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This waiting will make it possible for you to tap into your wisdom and connect to your compassion-and make the choice that best serves you and others.⁠
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Image & words by @newhappyco

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You care deeply about others—but sometimes, that care feels heavy. ⁠
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You absorb people’s emotions, struggle to say no, and feel responsible for keeping the peace. So… are you just really empathetic, or is it codependency? 🤔⁠
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Swipe through this carousel to follow along my journey with this and find out the difference between being an empathetic person and being codependent. ⁠
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Because while empathy is a gift, codependency can leave you feeling drained, resentful, and disconnected from yourself.⁠
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💡 Awareness is the first step to breaking free.

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Not every sigh, silence, or shift in someone’s energy is your responsibility to fix. (and it doesn’t make it’s caused by you either!)

If they’re upset, it doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
If they’re distant, it doesn’t mean you have to chase them.
If they’re in a bad mood, it doesn’t mean you need to absorb it.

Letting people feel their feelings—without making it about you—is a powerful step in codependency recovery.

Here are a few mantras to help remind yourself to let people feel their emotions without taking responsibility for them:

✨ Their emotions are theirs to process, not mine to fix.
✨ I can hold space without holding responsibility.
✨ I am not responsible for how others feel or respond.
✨ I can care without carrying.
✨ I release the need to manage anyone else’s mood.
✨ It’s okay for others to be upset. It’s not my job to make it better.
✨ I trust others to handle their own emotions.
✨ I am allowed to stay grounded in my own peace.

Save this post for more tips on fixing our need to fix it all!

#peoplepleaser #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #codependency #codependent

© COPYRIGHT 2025 Alana Carvalho

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